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Just how smart is smart water?

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These days, you can purchase smart water, smart dumbbells, smart cotton, smart phones and smart glasses. It's enough to turn folks like me into radicalized smart alecks.

Everything is smart today – smart phones, smart water, smart TVs, smart cars.

On the farm, farmers drive smart tractors and smart sprayers. One of these days, farmers will produce smart crops that turn certain protective traits on and off by themselves depending on whatever pest is attacking them.

Smart stuff saves us from thinking too much, so we can dream up more things for smart stuff to do for us.

Get on the Internet and search for the word “smart” and any other word. Almost anything you can think of has a smart version. There’s smart chicken, smart corn, smart cotton, smart bananas, smart underwear, smart belts, smart knives and smart dumbbells.

 

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The threshold of what passes for smart isn’t always cut and dry.

For example, there are two types of smart water. One is the smart water you buy in the grocery store. Its IQ is off the charts as water goes, but that’s not really all that amazing, since IQ is a relative measurement, and most other water is dumb as a post.

 

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Of course, I do realize it’s really not how smart the water is, but how smart we can be by drinking it. Smart people drink smart water and all that.

 

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The other kind of smart watercan actually catch a criminal. Say a person with bad intent is sneaking around at night on your property looking to steal something, and breaks the path of an invisible smart beam, which triggers a device that sprays the alleged perpetrator with a gentle mist of smart water. This smart water contains a smart code that cannot be washed off, not even by smart soap. Not only that, but the code can remain on the criminal for years.

I think this is a smart idea. The camouflaged snake pit I’ve been using to catch burglars is getting a bit messy.

This brings us to the smart phone and the most important question of our time. Were we put on earth to stand around for hours at a time rubbing small plastic rectangles with our thumbs?

Google co-founder Sergey Brin doesn’t think so. During a recent public appearance he said, “Is this the way you’re meant to interact with other people? It’s kind of emasculating if this is what you’re meant to do with your body?”

At the time, Brin was wearing a pair of smart glasses, which he asserts is the true future of all things smart. The glasses connect us with our smart phones without us having to reach in our pockets. We can make phone calls, send texts, record video and get on the Internet. Right now, they’re a bit pricey, $1,500 a pair.

At the risk of sounding like a smart aleck, I wonder if they come in a clip-on.

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